I can be that jackass mom who, when someone tells me my girls are “so cute” that I simply reply, “I know, right?!” I forget to say thanks sometimes. And I think that’s ok. I say “thank you” after I realize I was a huge douche canoe, but it’s never my first response. I can’t help it. They ARE so cute!! They have been growing and changing SO quickly lately, it feels I can’t keep up.
Ellery has been just growing up so fast lately. She plays with her sister, lets her sister do whatever she wants to her, and never really puts up a fight. Yesterday at my parents’ house, Caelan had convinced Ellery to play “baby and mommy” and Ellery was the baby. So, Caelan had “tucked her in for her nap” with a blanket on one of her little kiddie chairs and a green bowling pin as a bottle. I’ll be damned if Ellery didn’t sit in that chair, covered in that blanket, and pretend to drink her bowling pin bottle. After the appropriate length of drinking time, she gave the bottle to Caelan, told her it was “good” and then tapped her knees with her fingers like she was waiting for what to do next. It was hysterical. And priceless. It was a reminder that those two are thick as thieves, and we will have our hands FULL in the years to come.
And Caelan has just been a little rotten egg lately. She has been arguing with me and fighting me on everything. And it has been annoying. I admit it. But, she is her mother’s child. And she comes by it honest. SO even when I am so close to spanking her bottom (because I won’t actually do it, but know me when I say I have been close this week alone), I cannot be mad at her really. She has inherited her mother’s temper and headstrength (is that a word?). And I can’t blame her. She’s just like me. Poor kid. I hope she also inherits my fight and drive to change the world. Or at least the world around her.
I am so blessed to have the two kids I have. I am so blessed that every single day I get to be Mommy. Some days I don’t want to be Mommy. Some days I don’t want to be bothered. I admit it; I am not perfect. But I know that I am doing one hell of a good job with the girls. Shawn is doing his fair share, too. Sometimes I feel like he does more than I do. Some days I feel I am at work, with my students, with my peers, with my people so long that when I come home, they are huge and I have missed an entire week. I feel bad for those times, but I do not regret them because my work is an equal part of who I am and what I do. I want my girls to see that even mommies have to work hard and do great things because it isn’t only Daddy’s job to do. I want them to see that they are the reason I do what I do; I do not know who they will love when they get older, but I want to make sure there are people and systems that support them no matter what.
I will never give up my work. I will never give up my kids. I will never give up my husband or my family. Nothing in my life is negotiable at this point. I can’t let anyone down; it’s not in my nature to do so. I care and love with my whole heart and soul. And usually when I care about someone, it means they have fallen into the fold of loving them. I don’t blindly care. I want my girls to be the same way. I want them to know they matter, they are important, and that they are my reason for waking every day. I want them to love people like I do. I want them to give love without expecting it. I want them to always know that everything will be ok, as long as they have each other and love in their hearts and lives.
And I want them to know that no matter where life takes them, who life takes them to, Mommy will always be their biggest supporter and advocate.
I love my little girls.
They are SO cute, right? 😉