Tag Archives: pregnancy

The incredible labor that wasn’t. Also known as “worth the wait”…

So, let me preface this by saying that if you are anything like me, you absolutely blow off anyone who says, “every pregnancy is different” before you get pregnant. I heard that 1000x, and I was like, “come on. It’s a baby inside your body; how in the world can it be different every single time? You’re crazy, now pour me a drink.” But, as we have discussed before, this pregnancy is different than any other one, so much so that I was surprised I was even having a girl. My first pregnancy, aside from falling down a lot and making my doctor generally paranoid about my ability to walk upright, was perfect. Caelan came 15 days early, but she came with regular contractions and the labor/delivery from Hell *remind me to tell you my Nubaine story sometime*. And I mean regular contractions. On the dot. Every so many minutes. And that was that. It was long, but I did it, and it was textbook as far as What to Expect When You’re in Labor, and the like. Ellery had to be evicted due to a heart condition, so her entire labor was medically controlled, and to be honest, I don’t remember what it felt like in the beginning. I do remember the end because my epidural stopped working, so I wound up with a natural birth but couldn’t feel my legs. Woohoo, right?

I guess that’s why Mother Nature is so smart. We women go through these excruciating experiences of labor, and we completely forget how it felt. We would have to, or else we’d never ever have kids again. Ever.

Anyway, the past few days I have been having some contractions, lots of pelvic pressure, and all of the fun stuff that the End of Pregnancy Days usually brings along with it. This hasn’t been the first time I have felt very end of days. Two and a half weeks ago I went to the hospital with contractions, pressure, etc. And I found out I had a bladder infection. Which, oddly, feels like labor. So there was that. I was sent home with a prescription for 1000mg a day of an antibiotic (holy science!) and a “come back if you can’t talk through contractions” order. Done. I was 2 cm dilated, as I had been the week before at my midwife appointment. I was assured I would start progressing and that my body knows what it is doing, so to trust the process. Great. I like trust. I’m in.

The next week, I waddle my happy self into the midwife office for my 38 week appointment. I hadn’t had a lot of bad contractions throughout the week, but had declared myself completely over this pregnancy bit, and I was waiting to hear some good news. Well. I was still 2 cm dilated. Okie doke then. The antibiotics were working, I was feeling better, and life was smooth sailing. I wasn’t the most thrilled that the midwife, as she sailed into Third Base, declared that I was still 2cm dilated, and “thick”, but to come back the next week because assuredly at that point, I would have made progress. Trust the process. I’m in.

Last week, I was experiencing some contractions, discomfort, and I was like, “yes. This baby knows what she is doing. She is moving and grooving and coming down to be born soon. Yes!” And? No. 39 week appointment.. Third base. And 2 cm. Very little effacing. And…disappointment. Oh? And along with the disappointment? A raging yeast infection thanks to the SuperMan of All Antibiotics I had to take for seven days. Seriously. At that point, I declared this pregnancy shit for the birds, and I waited. Trust the process? Are you insane?

Back to the last few days. I have been having very strong contractions, lots of pressure, nausea, etc. Contractions were fast, then slowed a bit, then fast, then strong, then ZOMG let’s do this! So, last night at 9, I called my midwife and we went to the hospital with my mom and dad, ready to bring Finola Marleigh to the Breathing World. My in-laws had planned to stay the night because my sister and her wife *who will be watching the girls when I finally do this shit* are out of town for Pride Weekend (lucky girls). They come home today, so the plan is back to normal. So, I go to the hospital and get all checked in. Contractions are coming, we’re laughing about how ridiculous the experience has been so far, and the resident comes in. Third base. And.. you guessed it … 2 cm. Really!? I cannot explain to you how quickly my heart sank into my feet. I almost cried. I had been having these contractions and making this happen and nothing was happening. This cannot be. I assumed she had really small fingers. I was on the monitor for about an hour, having strong contractions, and really thinking that something would change. Boy, you could have knocked me over with a feather when she came in and said I was still 2 cm and had made no progress. At. All. I was ready to cry again, and the resident assured me that something would be happening soon. I am “days away from my water breaking” and “the contractions will either stop or speed up” (thank you,  Dr. Magic 8 Ball, I feel like you paid too much to become a doctor and tell me the same thing a 99 cent ball can tell me, by the way). The midwife seemed to feel bad for me, and she really made me feel like what I am dealing with is common. So, I came home. And here I sit. Not contracting. Looking at purses online, writing this, and listening to my girls play Guess Who? with their daddy.

Tomorrow, I am 40 weeks. I have a midwife appt in the morning. I wasn’t planning on actually making that one, but it looks highly likely that I will. I am not going to go back into the hospital until I physically cannot stand or walk. I know it will be super close to being too late, but frankly, I can’t imagine how many bills I am racking up with my insurance company from all of this nonsense, and I can’t do it anymore. My body has no fucking clue what it is doing, which is annoying, and I just have to wait until it is damn near too late to make actually going back to the hospital make sense. I was told if I go back by 10 tonight, it will count as the same visit insurance-wise, but I don’t anticipate that actually happening. My poor husband is so ready to meet his little girl, and frankly, I am so ready to stop feeling insane.

So, when someone tells you that every pregnancy is different, trust them. I have never been this pregnant for this long, and I had no designs that I would still be pregnant at this point. We haven’t had this anticipation of baby coming, and I have never had this weird start/stop of labor before. It’s hard to believe it is my third time doing this, and I feel like an absolutely brainless moron who doesn’t know how this goes. But I guess I don’t know how this goes. The midwife assured me my body knows what it is doing, but I don’t know if I believe that. I will wait. And if the contractions never get that bad (as sometimes they just don’t on their own), then I will have to talk about medical intervention. But I am waiting until the last possible moment to even think about that. I am just going to believe that Finola Marleigh knows her birthday, she just hasn’t officially invited us to the party, and that I will know when it is truly time to make this happen.

She had better be cute. That’s all I am saying…

worth the wait onesieSomeone needs to get this onesie for her, stat!!
I am sure she is worth the wait…

it-was-worth-the-wait-may-contain-awesome-indeed-1328332121And she BETTER contain the awesome…

I now understand the Bidet Craze…

There are things you only find yourself saying when you are close to the end of a pregnancy. And I feel I have said them so many times the last few weeks that I needed just to get them out and put them here. It was one of those, “I need to blog about this” ideas that I am finally bringing to fruition. You’re welcome.

Anyway, I am an avid constant HGTV watcher. And the one thing that so many people say they NEED (aside from a home office.. what the hell do these people do that they won’t even consider an AMAZING house I would kill for if it doesn’t have a home office? I mean really?!) is a bidet. And I watch it with my husband laughing in disbelief that all of these couples are like, “oh well this house would be perfect if we had a toilet area that washed off our asses for us, for without that, this deal is broken.” What the hell, really? And then, I hit about 35 and a half weeks pregnant, and I understood it. All of a sudden, it is harder to reach those “hard to reach” places, and like lava spewing forth from a volcano, I blurted it aloud, “I finally get the whole Bidet Craze!” My husband laughed at me, shaking his head, and I became (for a short time) the girl who would go on HGTV asking for a Bidet (and a home office, so I can go full-on needy asshole on them).

There are other things that get harder as you get bigger, and these things only get worse with each pregnancy. I only had about one week of ankle swelling (I anticipate it getting worse once I birth her), but the ankle and foot pain have been ridiculous. I have naturally Barney Rubble flat feet anyway, and the whole “feet spreading” deal doesn’t make it any better. So walking hasn’t been the most exciting thing to do, but I do it because I refuse to crawl. That would be embarrassing. And my already less than awesome knees wouldn’t appreciate that treatment at all. The nerve/compression deal that makes my thighs warm and tingly if I stand too long is fun, and my youngest has started saying, “I have to sit down. My legs are hot,” which makes me realize how often I say it to her…Also? I have literally felt my pelvis spreading. That is something I didn’t anticipate nor feel with the other two. I will just feel myself start to “fall out” a bit, if you will. And I will laugh because I know I am starting to have a very pronounced waddle and that’s ok. I am 36 weeks into this game. It happens. Carpal tunnel is getting better, and the braces have helped when I need to wear them, but I anticipate it coming back again at the end here. And with pregnancy, everything can come and go as it feels like… so really, every single day is different and holds new possibilities and promises of discomfort! Welcome to the Miraculous Ride!

Ellery tore my entire abdominal wall with all of the fluid I had when pregnant with her, and so now I am dealing with Finola dropping twice and not having much, if any, internal support to hold her up. She sits firmly in my pants (did I mention she hates waistbands?) and my stomach feels like she is going to fall out. If I didn’t have skin to hold it all in, I’d assume she was going to just open a door in my belly and pop out (boy wouldn’t that make my life easier?). And the round ligament pain is back, and while it isn’t awful, it’s enough to catch my breath. Wrap-around contractions have started (which I know mean nothing other than I am less than a month from meeting this baby), and they are helping me master my breathing. Finola hates them, so she takes those opportunities to practice her backwards kick into my rib cage. It’s good to see she is working on her skills and not wasting those moments. She’s efficient, this one. No moss growing on her!

Sleeping is uncomfortable, no matter how many pillows I have in bed with me to lift me up and support my body. I toss and turn most of the night, trying to find the position that hurts the least. And the constant need to pee in the middle of the night? I cannot wait until that’s gone. Every time I move, I have to pee. And let’s not even talk about the uhm…flow?…of fluids that seems to constantly seep from my bathing suit area, if you will. My midwife told me about two months ago that the third child turns the birth canal into a Slip N Slide, and that it happens earlier than with other pregnancies, and she didn’t lie. I find myself cringing in the female panty protector area of Target because I am pregnant; I shouldn’t need these things! That’s one of the perks of the whole thing… but no. The past two weeks have been the worst, and I hear it only gets worse before it gets better. I can only hope I am wearing a Super Maxi Overnight with Wings and Leak Guards if my water breaks on its own… that would make me really test absorbancy!! I could submit my testimony of absorbancy and win pads for a year! Silver linings, friends!!

Speaking of, I have never had my water just break on its own. So that’s one thing I am slightly nervous about. It’s had to be broken for me in the past, and my greatest fear is that I will be out somewhere and POP! goes the weasel, and all of a sudden I am a fountain of amniotic goodness. Isn’t it fun the things you have to think about?

All joking aside, I am glad I am at the end here. I couldn’t be pregnant for another six months, but I can wait the next month for her. I am in no rush. It’s so funny. With the first, I was all, “I can’t wait to meet my baby!” And with the second, it was like, “I am in danger of stroking out, so I have to meet her NOW!” And with Finola, I am all, “Take your time, Kid. I’m not going anywhere.” I could care less when she comes (as long as it’s not like a week late.. no. thank. you.). She will come when she is ready. I am in no hurry. Her room is ready for her. My bag is packed for the hospital, and the infant seat is firmly installed in my car. I am as ready as someone can be with two other kids to worry about and a husband who may or may not be home for the blessed day. I’ve got a month (which we all know isn’t true and is a nice medical guesstimate) to snuggle her, and I have the rest of my life to love her on the outside. While I wait, I will enjoy her on the inside. She rolls around, stretching and nudging me, and makes my stomach look like I have been taken over by a band of Ninja Gerbils from the inside. I will waddle around, leaking and creaking, struggling to move effortlessly and sleep without interruption, and understand why it is that those House Hunters need a bidet so bad…

Take your time, Finola Leigh. We have our lifetimes to be together…
Mommy is waiting. But I am patient.


But it is cool to think in four weeks or less, we can do this…

you-babys-first-4-weeks-what-to-expect-454We won’t be hand in hand forever,
But you will always be in my heart…

Pregnancy 3.0

I haven’t posted much about this pregnancy, and I intend to make up for that today. First of all, I am so glad that I am pregnant. I am over the moon. I am so excited for another child and blessing in our house. We planned this pregnancy, and it happened as nature intends, and all is well. I am happy. Excited. Elated. I feel like I need to start out with that because the rest of this post isn’t so lovey dovey about this pregnancy.

The third time around, one would expect to know what is going to happen. Relatively so anyway. I was like, pregnancy wasn’t always terrible (there was that heart condition last time, but I have full faith it won’t happen this time. Don’t ask me how I know, and know that I could be totally wrong.). I didn’t HATE being pregnant with my first two. Sure, I fell a lot (vertigo + center of gravity differences + general gestational wobbliness = falling). But it was relatively smooth sailing when it was good. This pregnancy, however, has really opened my eyes and shown me that I know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT BEING PREGNANT. The end. This time has been a complete 180, and I don’t know if maybe this is a boy, or multiples, or a small band of beasts, or what. But I am learning a lot this time around. And it’s a whole new world of adventure! (I feel like Aladdin)…

Welcome to Pregnancy Rant 2013, Vol. 1

*Things I have never experienced while pregnant before now*

1. I was nauseous, everyday, all day, for roughly 15 weeks straight. What. The. Hell. I mean, nauseous. Bad nauseous. And, because I am not a puker, I could not alleviate the nausea in any way. And not for lack of effort. I gave it the old college try. But it was not to be. So, I suffered along, nauseous and barely able to eat or drink much. It got to the point that noodle soup and water made it bad. Really? The TWO THINGS you need when you are sick, and they made me sicker. Awesome Sauce. But yay pregnancy and baby and blessings and yay!! Yes? Yes!

2. Now that I am just about 19 weeks along *tomorrow*, I am feeling better nausea-wise. It still depends on what I eat, but in all, I am ok. Now I am dealing with PREGNANCY MASK. Oh yes, my friends. Nothing makes you feel more self conscious than an entire section of your face being red, raw, peeling, painful, and wonderously not able to be covered up by makeup. It’s really appealing. I probably look like I stick my face in ice water before I leave the house. The rawness is ridiculous. It hurts to wash my face, apply moisturizer, and look at it in general. It’s so gross. But, hey, this is all worth it, no? (I keep telling myself that). The cold winter weather is truly doing nothing to help, as you kind reader can imagine. But I don’t have to be pretty or look not insane because I am pregnant! And its a miracle! Yes? Yay pregnancy!

3. I now know where my round ligaments are. And they suck. I have terrible round ligament pain, which I don’t recall having ever before. I know why this time around it is bad, and that is because my abdominal muscles tore to shreds with Ellery. That’s what having three times the amount of fluid you should have does to you (and makes your heart bad, check!). I feel like an aging old woman, gripping my stomach when I move. I couldn’t roll over in bed last night because it made me want to cry. I am going to go today to get a support belt because I need it. It won’t be pretty I am sure, but I don’t care as long as it helps. It hurts to move, to lift, to sit, to stand. It sucks in general. BUT I am SO excited for baby, so it’s worth it!

4. My appetite is insane. I literally have turned into a teenage boy. I can eat literally all day long. If I am awake, I am starving. And not just starving, like feed me or I will kill you and eat your innards starving. With the other two, it wasn’t this bad. But Good Lord, look out. I DO NOT eat 24/7 because I know what that will do to my body, and I do not have time to lose the house I would assuredly gain. But know that I am always thinking of food, planning my next meal or snack, and in general pining for food. It’s ridiculous. I can only assume that my baby will be a huge baby with a ravenous appetite, but one never knows. Yay Baby! Pregnancy is FUN!!

5. Also? I am thirstier than I have ever been ever in my life. I drink probably at least two gallons of water every single day. I drink a bottle alone overnight *which does nothing for the peeing*. I drink all day. I do allow myself that. I do worry because of my fluid issue before, but I was never this thirsty with the other two. And really, if I am not going to allow myself to eat all day, I might as well guzzle the H2O with vigor and quench that constant craving. So basically if you see me out and about, assume I am thinking of drinking and eating. Unless I am drinking and eating. In that case, assume I am planning the next round of eating and drinking. What a miracle, incubating and growing a child….Blessing!!

6. I will not even talk about the rate of growth of my boobs, the going up a size and it still not being enough to contain them. The pain, the aches, the insane pressure they put on my now-too-small new bras. Nope. Pregnancy is awesome!!

Yes, I am happy that I am pregnant, and it is a blessing, but I don’t pretend that it’s a joy ride. Pregnancy is definitely not for the weak. No sissies allowed on this ride. I will find out what I am having on February 7, so keep your eyes peeled for that. In the meantime, share with me your pregnancy stories. The good. The bad. The ugly. I’d love to know what other momentous things I have to look forward to that I NEVER experienced before. 🙂


Especially if you are eating, and I want what you have… lol

I feel an update is in order!

Holy CRAP! It has been almost a month since I have posted. Let me tell you with absolute certainty that there is a direct correlation between the amount of stuff happening in my life and my frequency of actually writing about said stuff. Luckily for you, wary traveler, I am on break after Monday night, so I will be around here A LOT!! Bwahahahaa. Or whatever.

Anyway, so what’s new on my end? Work kind of sucked me into this weird black hole of grading/revising/conferencing/meetings… It was a literal vortex, and I tell you the truth when I say that I felt myself getting sucked under. I have never had that happen before. Time management has been my schtick, and I am usually all over it, but wow. The past few weeks, I have not returned phone calls, I have not spoken to anyone but a select few people, and I could barely stand to be around myself. BUT I am JUST ABOUT done with my grading, and then I can take about a month off to just…sit. And plan syllabi. And lessons. And you know, do anything but relax really because teachers don’t really get “breaks.” I will do what I can to make it relaxing, but come on. It is also the holiday season, and with that comes the wrapping and the gifting and the familying and the eating and… anything but relaxing. Catch my drift? But I can’t complain; I do what I love, what I am meant to do, and what I have been called to. So, it’s a trade off. Sanity in life for passion in work. I’ll take it. Sometimes. 😉

The layoff has been….annoying. My husband should never spend endless hours at home with our girls, our girls should never spend endless hours at home with him, and we have just about had enough together time JUST in time for me to be off, too! Huzzah! Which is fine, but really, we spend too much time together. In other news related to this, get a load of this: no one can offer us any assistance. We make too much money (an adjunct salary and unemployment just really blow the load there. In what world?). Or a layoff isn’t a dire enough situation for assistance (dire enough that he ISN’T WORKING RIGHT NOW, but whatever). Or we have never been late on a payment, so they don’t really feel we are a liability (this one kills me). Which is hilarious to me. “We’re sorry, you’ve done everything the correct and responsible way, so there is no way we can help you.” The lady at our mortgage bank (which I hate but shall remain nameless) actually told me, “We would be able to help you so much more if you had missed a few payments.” I about choked. REALLY!? THAT is the way you treat people who do things the way you’re supposed to when you sign up for Adult Life? Needless to say, I thanked her for her time and hung up. I guess we can’t complain too much. We should be fine all around. Shawn’s work is looking to pick up in the very near future, and I am frugal as a bandit so we have resources. And, even if it gets ugly, we can come out on the other side of this knowing that we did it without a handout. Without any help. My parents offered to pay my oldest’s tuition for January, but I have already budgeted the living daylights out of our money and we won’t need it. It is nice having parents who are willing to do what they can, but I don’t ever expect them to do anything for us. My expectations for other people are pretty much always quite low, so any little ray of sunshine in there is always welcome. If you expect nothing, you won’t be disappointed when nothing happens, right? Someone actually told me at a work meeting yesterday that she read somewhere that people who are pessimistic actually are happier people, and I believe that in a way. I’m not pessimistic, but I’m surely not Susy Sunshine all the time; I remain a realist. And this situation is showing me that no matter WHO I think CAN help or WILL help, it ain’t happening. So, no expectations. See? Told ya, survival mode.

What else? Oh. Remember this? Yeah. Two points on that one. First of all, there was another school shooting yesterday in Connecticut that killed 27 people, 20 of which were children between the ages of 6-7. While I cannot even wrap my brain around that enough to really talk about it right now (but it’s coming), I think these tragedies need to stop. I cannot imagine what would lead someone to go and kill 20 children… let alone babies. 6-7 years old is a baby. I don’t care. These innocent children died in a senseless way, and the ones who survived have SO much to overcome now… I cannot imagine the horror, the shock, and the panic those children felt. I just….later. Later. *breathe*

Point two: BABY! copy

Yep. We’re having a third!! 🙂 I am about 13 weeks along now, due June 24, 2013…. 😉 I told ya, something about that week in El Paso just changed everything for me, and about a month after I wrote this we totally conceived! 😉 So far this pregnancy has been not the best. I am nauseous all the time. Tired. Cranky. Emotional. This one is so different than the girls…. I would think it’s a boy, but one never knows because people say every pregnancy is different…. so. We don’t know. But we will in February! 🙂 I am excited, FINALLY, Lord knows it took me a long time to even feel excited after it felt like my life force was being sucked away and replaced with nausea every day. I have been feeling some pulls and pushes, blips and flutters, waves and wiggles, and THAT is when I felt excited. 🙂 This baby is putting me to my paces, but it will be worth it. ❤ I’m excited! Baby!! 🙂