Tag Archives: LOVE

Thirty Day Writing Challenge, Day Twelve

Five Blessings in My Life (no people, my rule):

  1. Unconditional love from my children: I never wanted kids. It wasn’t until my cousin had his children that I even warmed up to the idea of children. And when I saw his oldest daughter for the first time, I knew I wanted children of my own. Now, with three daughters of my own, I have three blessings, every single day, even when I feel like I don’t deserve it. My greatest blessings call me “Mommy,” and sometimes, I’m the best Mommy ever…and sometimes, they tell me I am anyway.
  2. Music: Without music I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t know some of my favorite people. I wouldn’t have had some of the incredibly amazing experiences I have. I wouldn’t know what love is, what it feels like, what it sounds like. What words to use when life is bad, good, and everything in between. I wouldn’t know how to put words to the incredible feelings inside of me. I wouldn’t be who I am without the music that I love. And that means more to me than just about anything else.
  3. Unending support from my friends: When I don’t deserve it, they support me. When I completely suck at life, they love me anyway. When I need an ear, they all have them. When I am down, they lift me up. When I am scared, they shine lights for me. My friends remind me who I am. My friends remind me of what I am capable of, even when I don’t believe them. They help me rise. And I will rise for them, without hesitation. Any day, in any way.
  4. Protection from my guardian angels: Between my grandma Alice, my Poppa, and my cousin Kevin, alongside the baby I lost along the way, I am surrounded by the most loving and supportive people on the other side I could ever need. When grandma Alice died, she took almost everything out of me. I had nothing left when Kevin died, which upset me because I was only 18 days postpartum with my youngest. And I was so overwhelmed with everything, I feel like it’s taken me this long to really mourn his passing. Poppa passing was the last straw for my sanity in many ways; I still am not really okay with him being gone. Grandma Alice and Poppa were two people who loved me unconditionally, no questions asked, and losing them was really devastating to me on many levels. I still talk to all of them sometimes; it reminds me to stay connected to those who are on the other side, waiting for me and caring for me. My baby passed very early, so I didn’t feel a lot of connection to him (I always say he was my boy since I don’t have one here in this world). But, going through losing him was absolutely terrible, and something I don’t wish on anyone. I am surrounded by love in the next life. And I know they keep their eyes on me in this one.
  5. My writing: Saved my life. Still does. End of story.

On the good days, count your blessings. On the bad ones, count them twice. 

Blessed_Quotes7

What do we do when the ones who save us leave?

*trigger warning: depression and general fucked-upness follows*

Join me in a bit of time travel. Let’s go back about seventeen years. I was eighteen years old (Jesus, why does that make me sound old?). I was mentally in the darkest place I had been in up to that point. I don’t usually speak of this time, so for some, this may be news. But, that ends tonight.

I hadn’t quite figured out how to live with the loss of my grandmother. I was bullied, relentlessly, every day in school. I was called every name in the book except nice white girl, which I very much was. Due to this, I was quiet. Not shy, just never felt worthy of talking. I had very few friends with whom I could enjoy life and be myself without much worry about judgment, but if I am being honest, I assumed they were judging me also. I knew I liked boys, but I also knew that I had liked girls, too, and I wasn’t sure what to do with that one. I had crushes on people I ought not to have crushes on, and unrequited was the only relationship status box I could punch.

If I would have had seven stitches of self-confidence back then, I would have had the strength to ask for help – to cry out that I knew I was fucked up inside, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know that I could say a word because back then, mental illness wasn’t a thing we were aware of. Boys would be boys. Girls were bitches. Everyone else was weak. No one could win. I acted like I was fine when inside, I was a mess. An absolute mess. It was awful. I felt hopeless, truly helpless, and worthless.  I was a wreck.

So, I did what kids did back then. I sat in my bedroom and wrote incredibly shitty poetry while listening to music as loudly as I could while imagining various ways I could end my life. And that was how I saved my own life. I’m here because music was there. Writing is something I have always been good at, and I am here because I was doing it then. As I wrote and listened, life seemed more worth it. I got stronger because those words – those artists – gave me the strength to live. I couldn’t do it on my own and didn’t know how to ask for help, so I did what I hoped would work…

In 2000, a good friend of mine gave me a copy of Hybrid Theory by a band I had not heard of until then, Linkin Park. I heard this guy named Chester Bennington tell me that it was okay to be fucked up in the head, that I could still be alive and feel the way I was feeling, that I wasn’t a freak – I was fine in being not fine. There was something inside of me that pulled beneath the surface, like he said he had, and he had also felt insecure. But, he was clearly a successful musician, reaching out to millions, and if he could pull his shit together long enough to live and keep going, then man, I could, too. Something in his voice made me know that even though he had pain, he was going to be fine. And I would be fine. His voice was unlike anything I had ever heard, or will ever hear again. His words gave me the strength to know that I, also, could live and find a place for my head. I would also find somewhere I belonged.

I saw Linkin Park live a few times. Their sound was pure addiction – energy, smart, driving, light with dark edges. Their stage show was remarkable. I am pretty sure I had more than one of their t-shirts and a hoodie, though their whereabouts are long gone. I bought their CDs, and I still have them to this day. Hell, I still follow them on Instagram and Twitter! I was just looking through his Instagram a few weeks ago, commenting on how silly he could be sometimes. I mean, so full of life. So silly.

So, when the news came in that he had died by suicide this morning, I was completely knocked sideways. I fell into tears. I remembered his voice telling me that he was one step closer to the edge and he was about to break, but he didn’t…until he did.

We may never know why today happened the way it did, and we don’t need to. It’s none of our business. We only need to know that it happened, that he fought and fought and fought so hard and was weary, tired of the fighting. And the only way out of the fight was a permanent one. And it’s not our place to judge, just to remember that we never know what is going on behind someone’s smile, someone’s laugh, even someone’s tears.

When the people we turn to when we need a little saving end up leaving us, what can we do? We fucking live, that’s what we do. In spite of the challenges we face in our own lives, we fucking live. We live large because that is what those people would want for us. They would not want us to face the same dark hallway that they have walked – they would want us to fucking live. Suicide is not a sign of weakness, so we must not let it make us weak, either.

So, that’s what we do. We cry. We laugh. We mourn. We celebrate. But, we never forget that we get to fucking live. And that, my friends, that is the gift. It’s hard. It’s SO hard sometimes, but we honor those people and their gifts and we live for them. I still have dark moments – I don’t think anyone is ever bright all the time, anyway – so in those dark moments, I remember to try to live a little louder that day. I must. So many depend on it. I depend on it.

Life is energy, and when one life ends, their energy is dispersed into the Universe. Their light does not go out, it goes on. So, we have to carry the light for Chester Bennington, and those others we have lost for whatever reason.

I remember feeling completely helpless. Hopeless. Broken. And it was Chester who told me it was okay to not be okay. I have to remember to be that voice for others as well, as often and as loud as I can be (and I can get quite boisterous). So, my friends, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be a little fucked up in the head. Show me one person who isn’t.

So, for you, Chester, and for others we have lost along the way who we have turned to at one point or another for a little bit of saving, I give you my promise to live every single moment like it’s the most precious fucking thing I have ever touched. I will live. Promise.

 

Until we meet again, Chester. I’ll keep on living.
Find my cousin Kevin, please. He’s been gone four years today…

chester

But, I can’t lie, this one fucking hurts.
Just ….

2014 = grace, patience, love, zen.

I don’t make resolutions. I always break them; I never lose the weight I say I want to lose, and I stop swearing for about three days before my vocabulary becomes colorful again. I just suck at them. But I do want to accomplish a few things in 2014, and I like to think of these as measurable goals to strive for, with plans for my success. I like goals. I like lists. And I like crossing things off of lists, including plans for success and steps for achievement.

2014 will be the year I…

1. MMOB. Mind my own business. I am generally a nosey person because I like to know things, and I have an insatiable urge to know all the things. I find myself having to know what people are doing, who they are doing it with, and why they are doing it. This is to blame on a few things, including the fact that I am still jealous a bit of my friends who have either no children or seemingly limitless funds (or both) and can do whatever they feel like doing, whenever they feel like doing it. Part of me still wants to live the life I lived before I had kids (with more money). And I think that’s natural. I wouldn’t give up my kids, ever, but my memory is strong of the days before them. I am able to see these people’s endless adventures on Facebook, mainly. And then I get all “oh it must be nice” and judgey douchebaggery ensues. And that’s not ok. As much as I overshare on FB (and I am getting to that), I don’t want others judging me, and I am sure they do. So, I am going to implement the good ole Golden Rule, and do unto others. I will have the grace to remember that my path is my path, and they may be just as envious of my adventures in mommyhood. Grace is something I have to start walking with. I am too old to be living without it. I will share less, turn more inward, and concern myself with that which truly concerns me.

2. I am grateful for everything I have because I lived the other life of someone who never felt like there was enough due to the layoff for a while this last year. I take nothing for granted, and thank everyone profusely for anything they do for me or my family. But I want to do more for others. I want to pay it forward more. I want to do RAKs, like, everyday. And I want to be anonymous. Gone are the days of needing credit for everything. Now, I want to remain anonymous, do good things for others, and just have that peace in my heart of knowing that I did something for others. I want to donate more time, talents, and treasures to others who need them. I have a lot to offer others that will not cost much or cost anything at all. And I can do that. Karma has been good to me, and it’s always good to continue to do good works to keep karma going in the right direction.

3. I will explore my creative side. I need to write more. I crave it. NEED it. I need to create. I remembered how to knit, I got a sewing machine, and I will be setting aside time for these activities. Maybe not everyday, but often. I will be creating. Without creative activities, I am half the person I am and use half of my life potential. That’s no good for anyone.

4. I will be more patient with everything: my kids, my husband, myself, others. I will meditate, pray, and remember grace, and I will walk with lighter steps in my patience for the world. Zen.

5. I will practice forgiveness. I have been forgiven by my Father in Heaven for all of my garbage, and I will forgive others for theirs. I have done a lot of that this year, and it shall just continue. Forgiveness is good for the soul, and that karma thing. Put in what I seek to get back. Golden Rule.

6. I will set boundaries for myself and for my kids. I will enforce those boundaries and pay no mind to those who seek to tear down those boundaries. I will guard my heart, my spirit, and my serenity and grant limited access to myself, my children, and our time to others. I have been very free with these things, and I am seeing the results of this. I seek to surround myself with positive people, and I can’t do that if I allow negativity and negative people or influences to infiltrate my walls. 2014 is all about positivity and light. Zen. Peace.

7. Focus on hearth and home. Work less, laugh more. Stress less, live more. Fret less, love more. Spend less, save more. Run around less, dance more. Be here for my girls. Be present for them. Motherhood first. Everything else comes after. Period.

8. Focus on my marriage. With three kids, life gets kind of…less than romantic. And I vow to focus more on my husband and our relationship, both as parents and as spouses. Again. More grace. More patience. More love. That shall be my mantra all around: grace, patience, love, zen.

How about you? Goals? Resolutions? Promises?

EmilyLey_StandardOfGracePromise. 🙂 You have my word.

A letter to my fifteen year old self…

9/19/2013

Hi. I am you, 16 years and 11 months from now. Don’t we look good? 🙂 Guess what? We are happy! We have found joy beyond measure. There are some things you need to know that you could not possibly understand right now, and that is okay. You’re not supposed to. I am here to show you. Let’s begin.

First of all, mind your appearance. Will you please stop wearing black?! It is not flattering. Also? Smile more. Seriously. I know it’s your face, and it’s not your fault, but try. Smile. It is contagious. You look sad. All. The. Time. Stop it. No one wants to be friends with Betty BlackShirt all the time. Also? Do your hair. And actually do something with it. Your hair will come to define you in many ways: short and pixie-ish feels the most like you (can you imagine?!), chin-length and wavy is the style of the moment. It will be every color in the book, except black.  You will meet your husband on the first night you ever rock a blue Mohawk. No, really. You will. So, wash it. Do it. DO something with it. And enjoy it the color it is now; your first pregnancy will change that, among other things.

Secondly, enjoy your friends, but know they won’t stick around for the next 15 years of your life. You will talk to very few people that you talk to now. It happens. And start being nicer to people you’re not friends with. There will be this amazing tool called Facebook, and it will reunite you with those people whom you never imagined you would be friends with, ever. Trust me. So be nice to everyone, even if they are rude to you now. They will reach out to you later on, and you will become closer than you ever thought possible.

Third, love openly. Don’t be afraid to be who you are. Don’t be afraid to express emotions of love, affection, and caring, even if they don’t make sense right now to you. Little in life makes sense to you, and that’s okay also. It’s not supposed to. But don’t be afraid to explore your opportunities and options for loving relationships. It doesn’t matter who you love, but that you love.

Please be kinder to your parents. I know you think that they don’t understand you right now, and I know you feel like they never will. But they will. They do. They will be the ones standing when everything else falls down. They will be your biggest fans, and they will become your anchors in the storm. Trust me when I say this, your mother is not always wrong. In fact, she’s right more than she’s wrong. Believe me. You have to have faith in them and their abilities. Yes, they may not always seem fair, and yes it may always seem like someone else is getting more than you in some ways, but be nicer to your parents. They will become your strongest allies and your best friends.

Be kind to your siblings. They will be around for you a lot, and you will need them to be. You will not always get along with them, but they will always be there, and you need to relish that. Not everyone gets the chance to have siblings, so don’t abuse the privilege. Be kinder. Sweeter. Don’t fight it.

Trust your instincts. You’re a smart cookie. Trust your gut. Know who you are and own it. It will be one of your most endearing qualities as you age. Knowing who you are, what you believe, and standing up for yourself and your beliefs will be the one thing many people know you for. So start now. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are, what you believe, how to think. Own your junk. Serve the under-served. Even if they don’t want it, fight for those who can’t fight for themselves. Give them a voice. It will serve you well.

You will know love. You will know joy and pain at the hands of others. And it won’t be just once. You will know how to find happiness. True happiness. It is not found in a relationship with someone else. It is found in your relationship with yourself. Love yourself. You are not what they say. You are beautiful. You are worth it. YOU matter. You will fall in love, and out of love, many times, only to marry the one person least like you than you could ever dream. You will have babies, and they are beautiful. You will be the mother of three amazing daughters, so start working on you now, so you can be ready. You have to teach them how to love themselves above all others. It is your job to teach them to use big voices, and to speak big words to fight for what they believe in. You have to teach them that it is okay to love and lose, as long as they love. And you will teach them what a strong, beautiful, and brilliant woman looks like. You will be who they want to become.

You will teach others how to tell their stories, so you need to know how to tell your own. And it won’t end with, “they lived happily ever after.” It will end with, “and she lived her life the only way she knew how: loving until it hurt, laughing until she cried, and honoring herself and others, no matter the cost.” Start knowing your story, pay attention to your surroundings. So take notes and be ready to participate in this thing called life, no matter what happens to you or those you love. Time flies, and that’s a fact. You will be where I am sitting before you know it. And let me tell you, from here, the view is awesome.

Never forget who you are. And you will never take for granted where you go.

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“Mommy!”

My day today in quotes.

“Mommy, I don’t care what you say, I’m not doing it.” *discussing naptime with C*

“Mommy! Lookie! I Ellery!” *Ellery drawing herself on a wipe off board*

“Mommy, I am so hungry. When is lunch?” *Caelan a half an hour after breakfast*

“Mommy! Ooopsy!” *Milk spills on couch, Ellery is the cuplrit*

“Mommy, I don’t want you to let her play on that swing ever again!” *Caelan mad because Ellery actually has fun*

“Mommy!! Wheee!!” *Ellery throwing her head back on the swings in the backyard*

“Mommy, these are the best pork chops, ever!” *Caelan enjoying the dinner I made tonight*

“Mommy, love oooo!” *Ellery giving me her bedtime kiss*

I probably heard, “mommy!” a thousand times today. And each time, as you can see from this brief sampling, it had a different connotation. Each time, it elicited a different emotion, signaled a different need, and required me to respond differently. Sometimes I just heard, “MOMMY!!!” for the hell of it. That’s how generous my kids are. Lucky me, right?! 🙂

This weekend, I have felt very “mommy”. I don’t always feel like a mommy. Sometimes I feel like an exasperated, annoyed, pulled in a million directions, and frustrated mother. Sometimes I feel like an over-loved and worn out mom. But this weekend, I have been mommy and it has been fun! We had a lot of fun today. Shawn mowed, so we played outside. That is always a fun time; my girls love this weather as much as I do, so we had a good time. I actually got housework done without a fight, hung some artwork in the living room, made dinner myself (a more regular thing than I ever like to admit as I do not cook), made the girls a glow stick bath, and got to draw with them before story and bed. It was a perfect day. Truly wonderful. Call the family sitcoms, we are ready for our close up today.

Not everyday is so idyllic, though. Life can always get us down. Something can always happen to put us in a bit of a funk. It doesn’t matter, though, when you’re a mommy.  In my house, mommy is normally the comfort, the safe spot, the laughter, the tickler, the nurturer, and the one who is always looked to for pretty much everything. In my house, sometimes Mommy needs a break. But I never let it get to me. Because I signed on for this mommy gig. It’s who I am now. I wear many hats throughout the week, but I’d like to think that my Mommy hat is this incredible Fascinator with feathers, and fun things coming off of it. It is truly the most important hat I wear. I will always be a wife, teacher, mentor, an advocate, an ally, friend, sister, confidant, supporter, daughter, etc. But I will only be allowed to be “Mommy” for a short time. Michelle Obama said it best when she said, “There are many facets of me, but I feel like I have a responsibility as a mother first because my children didn’t ask to be here.” And that quote means the world to me. It reminds me that no matter what else I have going on, who else is asking for my attention, who else needs me, or what other project needs tended to, I am a mother first. My children won’t always want me to be Mommy. But for as long as they do, I will be there. I will be Mommy.

And I fancy my Mommy Fascinator looks something like this. Isn’t it fab!?

What do the hats YOU wear look like?

I am definitely not having a third child…

Today, we had our nephew with us for the late morning/early afternoon. And I didn’t mind it. His parents are good people, and he’s a good kid. We actually don’t get to see him much due to scheduling conflicts, etc, so it was nice to have him. It just was so obviously apparent that the dynamic in the house was swung ridiculously in the favor of the kids. There were three of them, and there were two of us. And that, my friends, should just not happen in these parts much.

While I respect those of you who have handfuls of children and do your thing, I do not want it for me. Oh no. I couldn’t hang. The kids were SO good and got along really well. We honestly had zero problems all day. But man, it felt like we were chasing one when we should have been chasing the other. Playing outside, we didn’t know who to look at and who to let go. It was very…new. And I don’t like new. I like old. Dependable. Two children. Two parents. That works for me. I suppose it all comes down to who can handle what. And I don’t really like disorganized chaos. And I liken having a four year old, a three year old and an 18 month old to very, very disorganized chaos. Even when they get along, there is some chaos to it. I don’t know how some of you do it. When he left, I was laying on the couch with my youngest and was falling asleep. I had had it. I was exhausted (not like I am not exhausted every other day), and I give you guys all the credit in the world. I couldn’t do it. I’d be a massive ball of dead.

I also don’t think it helped that he is ALL BOY and my girls are, well, not. He is like the run, jump, holler, truck, train, dirt, run, jump, laugh, dirt type of boy. And while I admire that in him, I am glad I do not have it in either of my girls. Honestly, those parents who have more than two kids, and different genders of kids… whoa. You all deserve a medal.

I like to believe you all look like her… which is incredible. Pun intended.

I cannot believe the dynamic that changes when a boy with trucks and laughter coming out of his ears meets with two little girls… it’s like a major movement of the stars. Something goes out of alignment, and I am not kidding you. It was so crazy. And again, they played great and probably didn’t notice the change in atmosphere. But boy, I did, and I was thrown into the zone. Kudos to you parents who do that everyday.. not for me, friends.

I am glad that I have my children that I have. And I would not trade them for the world. And I am even more glad for the daily reminders that God knows what I can handle, and only gives me what does not threaten to kill me. I truly believe a third child would set me over the edge of reason, and I would be certifiably committed to a home for wayward moms. Or something. I don’t know. But it wouldn’t be good. I will stay on this side of the craziness, and I will not add to this world, that is so dark and scary sometimes…

I would be irresponsible to not mention the terribly horrific tragedy that occurred in Colorado two days ago. A gunman entered a theatre and opened fire on a sold-out midnight showing of the latest Batman flick. He killed so many, wounded so many more. And this, my friends, sickens me. What leads a man to do this? Details come out in droves and I am not going to speculate. All I know is this: this world is scary, sad, and tragic. However, I choose to believe in and follow the Light. And I will always try to focus on the good and not the bad; to consider all the bad without the good would crush my soul into a powder to be blown by the wind. I also know that I do not want my girls to know such fear and darkness. I don’t want them to be afraid and paranoid by every person they meet, even though anymore, it feels they should be. I want them to know joy, peace, laughter, and happiness. I want them to know love over hate. Never hate. For any reason. There are some who don’t believe in God. There are some who don’t believe in the Devil. And let me tell you friends, they are both alive and real in my world. I know Satan shows his face sometimes, and I know some people choose to see it. I know that the evil that is done in this world is masterminded by something that we may never fully understand, and that is good because to understand that amount of evil and hate would destroy who we are. I don’t ever want to think that my children could succumb to such evil, and I do all I can to teach them compassion and caring, love and faith, purity and hope. The only way to cast out hate is to shine the Light on it. I know some who don’t believe, and that’s okay. That is their right. We may not agree, and we don’t have to. But know this:

Amen.

May God be with the families suffering in Aurora, CO tonight, and in the weeks, months, and years to come.

We pray for them…

Four.

The four it is upon us. Thursday will be Caelan’s fourth birthday, and to be honest, it doesn’t seem real. I’m not going to go on and on about how much she has changed. You all have seen that. Instead, I’m going to write a wish list for what I’d like her to accomplish at Four that she hasn’t quite mastered at Three.

Caelan’s Fourth Year Bucket List, per Mommy

1. Go to the bathroom, by herself, 95% of the time. Also? Wiping her own bottom all the time would be nice.

2. Play with other children consistently without needing to come see me every three minutes. I get it, she wants to know I’m there. She doesn’t quite get it that it is illegal for me to leave her somewhere.

3. Learn to read. (it’s lofty, I know, but she knows SO many sight words, I just want her to throw it all together into reading for real, not word for word on signs, etc.)

4. Enjoy childhood. I know this could be a stretch for my little RainMan, but she is getting better at being a kid. I’d like to see it continue.

5. Stop repeating everything anyone says. I know it won’t happen, but it would be nice.

6. Embrace your inner girlie girl and let me braid that hair on a regular basis.

7. Gain confidence from experiences, not praise.

8. Learn three new somethings everyday.

9. Continue to eat!! It looks good on you!!

10. Thrive. In all things.

I still cannot believe she will be four. Some days (ok, most) she seems so much older than that. And I know that’s because intellectually, she is. She’s so small and spritely, as her name describes.

Caelan \ ca(e)-lan\ as a girl’s name (also used as boy’s name Caelan), is a variant of Cailin (Gaelic) and Caoilainn (Irish), and the meaning of Caelan is “girl; slender and white, fair or pure”.

Her name also means “victorious people” in Ireland, and I suppose that makes sense as well. She is the palest, slenderest, fairest, and most victorious person I know. She has made some incredible leaps in her little life, and she has done it all with the fire and persistence of a soldier. She has done more in her almost four years than most, and has not given up. Even when it looked the worst, she always carried on despite her ailments and physical setbacks. I cannot express my gratitude for her attitude sometimes. Not all the time, mind you, but sometimes. That girl will move mountains. And it’s best just not to get in her way.

I like to say she is my mini-me, and that is true. I feel for her, I really do, when she struggles with social things or with acting her age. I had a hard time growing up with social skills (which I have overcome and know she will, too). I also had a hard time “being a kid.” I didn’t want to be a kid. I didn’t like kids. Neither does Caelan, really. She has overcome a lot of her issues with interaction with kids because we essentially have made her do so. I guess it is so important to me because I see how important interaction with other people is to success and just general well-being as citizens of the world. And I want to stress that to her: no one can do this all alone. But I think she’d be just as happy in her own little world. Which is why I want her to start reading so bad, so we can build her own little world and love for books and literature together. That won’t do much for her social life, but hey, I can’t MAKE her love kids…

It seems surreal that in less than 25 hours I will have a four year old. I am planning on soaking up every minute I can with her on her birthday. This day we celebrate her. We celebrate her life. We celebrate her spirit. And most of all, we celebrate the fact that she is our slender, white, pure and fair, victorious little warrior. And that, my friends, I hope never changes.

Happy Birthday, my little Nert. I love you more than life.

She will dance among the stars, and befriend the moon…

My silly little Nert…

These lips and eyes just kill me. They have been the exact same since she was born…

Could she be any more beautiful??

It’s summer! Pass the Kleenex!!

Hey friends. I bet you thought I left. Nope. I’ve been mega busy (who, me?) and haven’t had five seconds to really get around here. It’s not neglect if I had good intentions, right? 🙂

Anyway, what I’ve been up to has been a mix of bittersweet, LOVE, motivation, and sheer fun! I have cried more this summer so far than any other, and today’s the first official day! It’s been crazy. What has me interested in purchasing stock in Kleenex? A list…

1. Caelan graduated from her old preschool on June 5. And while I don’t want to get all mushy here and start crying again, just know that the whole experience this year has been bittersweet. She walked into that school building a shy, timid child who felt no control over her surroundings. She didn’t want to stay when it first started, and by June she didn’t want to leave. She had the best teacher I could have ever wanted for her, and she has become a close friend for both Caelan and me. I am so happy we decided to place her there, and I am so excited for her journey in Pre-K next year. I love you, Caelan!!

That’s my little graduate!

2. My sister married her wife in the most tear-filled, romantic, fun wedding I have ever been in. It was a marvelous day, even though Caelan had meltdowns due to being tired and hot. All of their friends and family were there to witness their love. I cried almost the whole time, off and on. I am so proud of her for standing up with her wife, and professing her forever love. And though Ohio doesn’t recognize it as legal (why not!? UGH!), I will stand proudly with them both when it becomes legal and support them, as I do now. Caelan was the flower girl (too cute). I was a bridesmaid (equally cute, as you will see in a minute). It was just a splendid day to celebrate love and all of its glory and splendor. I feel myself tearing up again, so I am going to stop here…

Cutest moment ever!!

The moment that made the entire place break down in sobs.. my sister and my dad….

The ridiculously happy couple…

The cutest couple ever!!

She’s not a diva, no really she’s not … lol

3. My sister in law finally had their baby girl, Zoe Elena! She’s perfect and wonderful. And I know I am totally done having kids because when I hold her, my uterus is juuuuust fine… 🙂

In other news, my summer class is going well. I love teaching and am at my best in the classroom most days.

I can’t believe it is almost July!! What has your summer looked like, kind reader? What’s still on tap for you?

Don’t tell me if you’re going somewhere exotic or international… unless you share pics so I can live vicariously through you…

*ALL IMAGES ARE MY PROPERTY! Using them without my permission will result in legal action taken against you. Play nice, friends.*