Tag Archives: HGTV

I now understand the Bidet Craze…

There are things you only find yourself saying when you are close to the end of a pregnancy. And I feel I have said them so many times the last few weeks that I needed just to get them out and put them here. It was one of those, “I need to blog about this” ideas that I am finally bringing to fruition. You’re welcome.

Anyway, I am an avid constant HGTV watcher. And the one thing that so many people say they NEED (aside from a home office.. what the hell do these people do that they won’t even consider an AMAZING house I would kill for if it doesn’t have a home office? I mean really?!) is a bidet. And I watch it with my husband laughing in disbelief that all of these couples are like, “oh well this house would be perfect if we had a toilet area that washed off our asses for us, for without that, this deal is broken.” What the hell, really? And then, I hit about 35 and a half weeks pregnant, and I understood it. All of a sudden, it is harder to reach those “hard to reach” places, and like lava spewing forth from a volcano, I blurted it aloud, “I finally get the whole Bidet Craze!” My husband laughed at me, shaking his head, and I became (for a short time) the girl who would go on HGTV asking for a Bidet (and a home office, so I can go full-on needy asshole on them).

There are other things that get harder as you get bigger, and these things only get worse with each pregnancy. I only had about one week of ankle swelling (I anticipate it getting worse once I birth her), but the ankle and foot pain have been ridiculous. I have naturally Barney Rubble flat feet anyway, and the whole “feet spreading” deal doesn’t make it any better. So walking hasn’t been the most exciting thing to do, but I do it because I refuse to crawl. That would be embarrassing. And my already less than awesome knees wouldn’t appreciate that treatment at all. The nerve/compression deal that makes my thighs warm and tingly if I stand too long is fun, and my youngest has started saying, “I have to sit down. My legs are hot,” which makes me realize how often I say it to her…Also? I have literally felt my pelvis spreading. That is something I didn’t anticipate nor feel with the other two. I will just feel myself start to “fall out” a bit, if you will. And I will laugh because I know I am starting to have a very pronounced waddle and that’s ok. I am 36 weeks into this game. It happens. Carpal tunnel is getting better, and the braces have helped when I need to wear them, but I anticipate it coming back again at the end here. And with pregnancy, everything can come and go as it feels like… so really, every single day is different and holds new possibilities and promises of discomfort! Welcome to the Miraculous Ride!

Ellery tore my entire abdominal wall with all of the fluid I had when pregnant with her, and so now I am dealing with Finola dropping twice and not having much, if any, internal support to hold her up. She sits firmly in my pants (did I mention she hates waistbands?) and my stomach feels like she is going to fall out. If I didn’t have skin to hold it all in, I’d assume she was going to just open a door in my belly and pop out (boy wouldn’t that make my life easier?). And the round ligament pain is back, and while it isn’t awful, it’s enough to catch my breath. Wrap-around contractions have started (which I know mean nothing other than I am less than a month from meeting this baby), and they are helping me master my breathing. Finola hates them, so she takes those opportunities to practice her backwards kick into my rib cage. It’s good to see she is working on her skills and not wasting those moments. She’s efficient, this one. No moss growing on her!

Sleeping is uncomfortable, no matter how many pillows I have in bed with me to lift me up and support my body. I toss and turn most of the night, trying to find the position that hurts the least. And the constant need to pee in the middle of the night? I cannot wait until that’s gone. Every time I move, I have to pee. And let’s not even talk about the uhm…flow?…of fluids that seems to constantly seep from my bathing suit area, if you will. My midwife told me about two months ago that the third child turns the birth canal into a Slip N Slide, and that it happens earlier than with other pregnancies, and she didn’t lie. I find myself cringing in the female panty protector area of Target because I am pregnant; I shouldn’t need these things! That’s one of the perks of the whole thing… but no. The past two weeks have been the worst, and I hear it only gets worse before it gets better. I can only hope I am wearing a Super Maxi Overnight with Wings and Leak Guards if my water breaks on its own… that would make me really test absorbancy!! I could submit my testimony of absorbancy and win pads for a year! Silver linings, friends!!

Speaking of, I have never had my water just break on its own. So that’s one thing I am slightly nervous about. It’s had to be broken for me in the past, and my greatest fear is that I will be out somewhere and POP! goes the weasel, and all of a sudden I am a fountain of amniotic goodness. Isn’t it fun the things you have to think about?

All joking aside, I am glad I am at the end here. I couldn’t be pregnant for another six months, but I can wait the next month for her. I am in no rush. It’s so funny. With the first, I was all, “I can’t wait to meet my baby!” And with the second, it was like, “I am in danger of stroking out, so I have to meet her NOW!” And with Finola, I am all, “Take your time, Kid. I’m not going anywhere.” I could care less when she comes (as long as it’s not like a week late.. no. thank. you.). She will come when she is ready. I am in no hurry. Her room is ready for her. My bag is packed for the hospital, and the infant seat is firmly installed in my car. I am as ready as someone can be with two other kids to worry about and a husband who may or may not be home for the blessed day. I’ve got a month (which we all know isn’t true and is a nice medical guesstimate) to snuggle her, and I have the rest of my life to love her on the outside. While I wait, I will enjoy her on the inside. She rolls around, stretching and nudging me, and makes my stomach look like I have been taken over by a band of Ninja Gerbils from the inside. I will waddle around, leaking and creaking, struggling to move effortlessly and sleep without interruption, and understand why it is that those House Hunters need a bidet so bad…

Take your time, Finola Leigh. We have our lifetimes to be together…
Mommy is waiting. But I am patient.


But it is cool to think in four weeks or less, we can do this…

you-babys-first-4-weeks-what-to-expect-454We won’t be hand in hand forever,
But you will always be in my heart…

Sunday Night Snacks

A handful of M&M flavored tidbits to wind up the week….

1. I forgot how much I love DMB. I did not like them in college when it was the Thing To Do. I liked them after and now as an adult. I wasn’t like, “Oh, DMB, speaks to my soul…” I heard that enough. There were no Dave posters on my wall. lol. Lame-O. Nope. I waited until I got older and their sound grew on me. I love ’em.

2. Since Shitty Cake Day things have been better. I’ve remembered that things happen for a reason, and even if we don’t know the reason we have to trust that God has bigger in store. God can dream bigger and do so much more for us than we can do for ourselves, and I have to remember that. I trust in Him and the Universe, and know that the plans for my life that have already been set outweigh my own plans for my life.

3. I am loving my commitment to take weekends off and just enjoy the girls. I looked at some papers today for about fifteen minutes, recorded points, and moved on to fun with the girls. I have to say that since letting go of fluff that was disguised as commitment, I am a lot happier, less stressed, and at ease with myself and my family. Love it. Good feeling.

4. We have decided to rejoin the living world and get UVerse TV back. I love love LOVE my Roku box, but I really miss being able to see things as they happen. And HGTV. And football. And the news. And my shows on daytime TV. With the Roku box, we definitely are more intentional in our TV watching, as you have to select things to watch and watch with purpose. There is no background noise or flipping through. It’s point, select, watch. But I can also do that with regular TV. I know that. So we’ll see how it goes. I don’t necessarily want a higher bill, but it won’t be unmanageable. I am excited and predict I will spend about three and a half hours straight with HGTV on once it is installed Wednesday morning. 🙂

5. I have been thinking a lot about religion. And I know that I am Catholic. I feel it in my soul. I don’t feel it as strongly as I’d like currently. I know we all go through periods of humdrum and then passion, so I am not concerned. I find myself utilizing a lot more of the Buddhist teachings I studied before. I do believe, and this was always a joke, that I am a Buddhist Catholic. In many ways they are so much alike. No one really thinks of it like that. I can see many similarities (and many BLAZING differences!) between the two. I like to combine them both in my everyday life. I’m decidedly more spiritual than religious. And that is FINE with me. 🙂

6. I just killed a spider that I attempted to kill like four nights ago when he got away. He was in plain sight and BAM! Got him. Karma, baby!

7. A friend of mine just called me and we talked for an hour and a half. And it was nice. The kids are in bed, I had no distractions, and really got to talk to her. I forget how quiet it is without the kids sometimes. They definitely provide the soundtrack to my everyday life.

8. I have rediscovered How I Met Your Mother on Netflix and I am obsessed with it. And not just because NPH was my first love.. 😉 It’s such a great show. So smart while being funny, campy while being cute. I dig it.

9. I am going to start working again on that novella I started months ago. With the whole reorganizing of priorities, I have yet to throw in “write novella”. But it’s coming. Soon.

10. I have been thinking a lot of my dreams for my family’s future… And I did some digging for some quotes for a friend and came up with some good ones. I have inspiration for a tattoo (like I don’t have enough inspiration. I would have eleven tattoos if I ever followed through on the inspiration…) from one of them. I will share it below.

When I read this, it literally took my breath away.

I believe this is my life verse.

Does anyone who reads this have any pull at HGTV?

I love HGTV. I miss it since we got rid of UVerse. I would watch it for hours, and my poor husband was convinced I knew no other channel. When I was a SAHM, it was on 24/7 because Nick Jr made me want to poke my eyes out with its trademark airing of the same 10 shows all.the.time. Now I watch it streaming on my iMac, and it’s not the same, but I can’t complain. I would dream of David Bromstad, Genevieve Gorder, Vern Yip, or Candace Olsen (or really anybody there) to come to my house and redesign something. Anything. Everything.

I would get ideas on fun things to do to the house whenever we had the extra cash for it. We are working on that, and since we now have a brand spanking new roof, I feel like we should have brand spanking new something. I would love them to do our basement, kitchen, bathroom, anywhere. I don’t care. Build a yurt in my backyard (they designed yurts on the last DesignStar episode I just watched). I am not picky. And I would love anything they did for one simple reason: I didn’t have to do it!

Shawn and I suck at joint decision making for the house. We haven’t had a kitchen light for months because we can’t agree on what we like, and I want to go check out the Restore to see what they have to offer. I was newly pregnant when we bought this place, so I don’t remember even picking out colors. I want to repaint the living room but can’t decide on a color. We need to redo our bathroom and will need to decide on a design scheme. And that gives me a little bit of IBS because we need to agree on it. I don’t do well with compromise sometimes. I also want the basement done without doing any of the work myself. I need three days with no kids or other distractions just to focus on it alone, and Lord knows that doesn’t happen. I just want stuff done. And time to do it in. And money to do it with.

HGTV should just drive around random cities that are not LA, Miami, NYC, Denver, Honolulu, and head to the little towns to get the jobs done for those of us who have desire to change where we live, but no time to do it in. And not the biggest budget to get it done. I don’t even want to mess around with sending a tape. I’m sure people need more than I do, like the soldiers, the disabled, the laid off and downsized. I’d feel bad even competing, so I don’t want to. Just come to my house, knock on my door, and take over.

And please, send David Bromstad because I would like to squeeze his cheeks.

Whichever cheeks he’d let me squeeze…

He is one attractive specimen. Thank you God, for David Bromstad…