Tag Archives: Day Twelve

Thirty Day Writing Challenge, Day Twelve

Five Blessings in My Life (no people, my rule):

  1. Unconditional love from my children: I never wanted kids. It wasn’t until my cousin had his children that I even warmed up to the idea of children. And when I saw his oldest daughter for the first time, I knew I wanted children of my own. Now, with three daughters of my own, I have three blessings, every single day, even when I feel like I don’t deserve it. My greatest blessings call me “Mommy,” and sometimes, I’m the best Mommy ever…and sometimes, they tell me I am anyway.
  2. Music: Without music I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t know some of my favorite people. I wouldn’t have had some of the incredibly amazing experiences I have. I wouldn’t know what love is, what it feels like, what it sounds like. What words to use when life is bad, good, and everything in between. I wouldn’t know how to put words to the incredible feelings inside of me. I wouldn’t be who I am without the music that I love. And that means more to me than just about anything else.
  3. Unending support from my friends: When I don’t deserve it, they support me. When I completely suck at life, they love me anyway. When I need an ear, they all have them. When I am down, they lift me up. When I am scared, they shine lights for me. My friends remind me who I am. My friends remind me of what I am capable of, even when I don’t believe them. They help me rise. And I will rise for them, without hesitation. Any day, in any way.
  4. Protection from my guardian angels: Between my grandma Alice, my Poppa, and my cousin Kevin, alongside the baby I lost along the way, I am surrounded by the most loving and supportive people on the other side I could ever need. When grandma Alice died, she took almost everything out of me. I had nothing left when Kevin died, which upset me because I was only 18 days postpartum with my youngest. And I was so overwhelmed with everything, I feel like it’s taken me this long to really mourn his passing. Poppa passing was the last straw for my sanity in many ways; I still am not really okay with him being gone. Grandma Alice and Poppa were two people who loved me unconditionally, no questions asked, and losing them was really devastating to me on many levels. I still talk to all of them sometimes; it reminds me to stay connected to those who are on the other side, waiting for me and caring for me. My baby passed very early, so I didn’t feel a lot of connection to him (I always say he was my boy since I don’t have one here in this world). But, going through losing him was absolutely terrible, and something I don’t wish on anyone. I am surrounded by love in the next life. And I know they keep their eyes on me in this one.
  5. My writing: Saved my life. Still does. End of story.

On the good days, count your blessings. On the bad ones, count them twice. 

Blessed_Quotes7

IC Awareness Challenge: Days whatever to whatever…lol

Hello. This month has been a perfect example of why I cannot be trusted to complete any task that requires me to write something every single day about something specific. That is why the “write every day” advice from authors is bullshit in my realm.

The last week has been insanely crazy and busy, and by the time the girls go to bed, the last thing I want to do is think about anything. So instead I found myself binging the show The Bold Type on Freeform and pretty much giving up hope of being productive. Well, I watched the last episode last night and I have a deadline for a publication I write for, so it looks like productivity has to start later for me today.

Anyway, we’ve skipped a bunch of days, so let’s catch up.

Day Twelve: Movies/TV. I don’t watch a lot of movies, and I don’t watch a lot of TV on the regular, so this category is useless to me. NEXT!

Day Thirteen: Letter to my past self. I am actually going to do this for Day Thirty, so NEXT!

Day Fourteen: Flare essentials. For me, coping with a flare depends solely on where I am when the flare starts, how long it lasts, and what the level is. I typically keep IC friendly snacks on me to help me level out a flare, along with lots of water (La Croix is a big helper for me these days), Clary Sage essential oil, and Advil. I try to sit around if I can, which is so rare, but I try to really focus on the self care when these happen. It isn’t always possible, but I try.

Day Fifteen: Pain levels. Oh, those vary. They go from “Oh, that’s annoying.” to “OMG everything hurts, and I’m dying…” And, usually, it’s one or the other – mine seem to like to be on the extreme ends of the spectrum. Very little middle ground.

Day Sixteen: How long DX took. I kind of went over this before, and I know that my doctors knew I had this about a year and a half before anyone told me…lol. Nice, eh?

Day Seventeen: IC Myths. I am not up on the myths behind it, but I know a lot of people say, “Well you haven’t always had this pain, so you can just do what you did before,” and it’s like, no. I can’t. I have been in pain for a long time and didn’t have a name for it until about a year ago, so I can’t go back to how I was before. Everything is different now. Knowing the reason why I am in pain and how to help myself immediately means that nothing will be the same. I will never feel like I did before, and that’s okay. It’s a hard thing to come to terms with the idea that I won’t ever feel like “normal,” but normal changes for everyone all the time. And for me, living with this and its effects on my body and life is just going to be a part of my truth and journey from here on. I don’t know many myths, but I do know the truths that I have experienced. And I want to focus on what I know to be true, not what I want to try to prove wrong.

Day Eighteen: Quotes. As a writer and voracious reader, I am always writing down quotes and adding them to my inspo boards. I live for a well-placed and well-meaning quote. I think words are beautiful and using them in a beautiful way is art. And I love it.
My favorite quote is “It’s okay not to be okay.” And, it’s so true. It’s exhausting to pretend you’re okay just because someone does not understand your pain level. It’s hard to put on a smile every day when you don’t want to. So, I have to remember that it’s okay not to be okay. And that’s all I need to know.

its okay

And as long as I remember this, everything will be just fine.