Tag Archives: blessings

Thirty Day Writing Challenge, Day Twelve

Five Blessings in My Life (no people, my rule):

  1. Unconditional love from my children: I never wanted kids. It wasn’t until my cousin had his children that I even warmed up to the idea of children. And when I saw his oldest daughter for the first time, I knew I wanted children of my own. Now, with three daughters of my own, I have three blessings, every single day, even when I feel like I don’t deserve it. My greatest blessings call me “Mommy,” and sometimes, I’m the best Mommy ever…and sometimes, they tell me I am anyway.
  2. Music: Without music I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t know some of my favorite people. I wouldn’t have had some of the incredibly amazing experiences I have. I wouldn’t know what love is, what it feels like, what it sounds like. What words to use when life is bad, good, and everything in between. I wouldn’t know how to put words to the incredible feelings inside of me. I wouldn’t be who I am without the music that I love. And that means more to me than just about anything else.
  3. Unending support from my friends: When I don’t deserve it, they support me. When I completely suck at life, they love me anyway. When I need an ear, they all have them. When I am down, they lift me up. When I am scared, they shine lights for me. My friends remind me who I am. My friends remind me of what I am capable of, even when I don’t believe them. They help me rise. And I will rise for them, without hesitation. Any day, in any way.
  4. Protection from my guardian angels: Between my grandma Alice, my Poppa, and my cousin Kevin, alongside the baby I lost along the way, I am surrounded by the most loving and supportive people on the other side I could ever need. When grandma Alice died, she took almost everything out of me. I had nothing left when Kevin died, which upset me because I was only 18 days postpartum with my youngest. And I was so overwhelmed with everything, I feel like it’s taken me this long to really mourn his passing. Poppa passing was the last straw for my sanity in many ways; I still am not really okay with him being gone. Grandma Alice and Poppa were two people who loved me unconditionally, no questions asked, and losing them was really devastating to me on many levels. I still talk to all of them sometimes; it reminds me to stay connected to those who are on the other side, waiting for me and caring for me. My baby passed very early, so I didn’t feel a lot of connection to him (I always say he was my boy since I don’t have one here in this world). But, going through losing him was absolutely terrible, and something I don’t wish on anyone. I am surrounded by love in the next life. And I know they keep their eyes on me in this one.
  5. My writing: Saved my life. Still does. End of story.

On the good days, count your blessings. On the bad ones, count them twice. 

Blessed_Quotes7

I believe…

If there is anything I have learned in the last few years, it’s that God will provide for us what we need, not what we want. He will not give us anything we can’t handle, nor will he allow what is truly to be ours to pass us by. I am confident in my beliefs, and I have beliefs about other aspects of my life as well. I believe it is all meant to be, predestined by God, and brought to me only by His grace. I believe this all to be true.

I believe a lot of things about parenthood. I believe that it is the single most important job that a person can acquire in his or her lifetime. I believe that it is also the hardest job, the most thankless job (and I am a TEACHER and I say that), and the most rewarding. I believe that those without kids have zero business giving advice to those with kids, and that those with kids should also just keep their mouths shut when it comes to how others raise their kids. I know a lot of people with a lot of different ideas about parenting, and you know what? Their idea isn’t mine. And that’s okay. We don’t spank; I don’t understand those who applaud spanking, nor those who do spank. But would I say anything to others who spank about that? No. I don’t understand co-sleeping. Or attachment parenting. Or breastfeeding until a kid is old enough to get off of a school bus. But would I say anything to those parents about their beliefs and methods? No. It’s none of my business. I wouldn’t want anyone coming in to give me unwarranted advice on how I handle my children, so I wouldn’t do it to them. Also? It’s rude. I believe in not doing any of that.

I believe that kids are the best things in the world to have. I also believe that children choose their parents somehow. Their spirits find us, those of us who are lucky to be called “Mommy” or “Daddy” and any variant therein. I can’t imagine having any other children, nor anyone else having mine. I can’t imagine not hearing my five year old’s voice tell me about her day at school where “This boy was talking about Minecraft, and I actually understood what he meant!” We have a four year old in Heaven, who left us without meeting us, and I can’t fathom not knowing that I have another child to meet with me when I get to the Other Side. I can’t imagine not having my three year old snuggle up with me on the couch, sucking her fat little thumb, and rubbing the tag on her bunny. To not have my baby girl, who celebrated eight months on the outside today, smile at me, crawling at me while shrieking in her own way, while I make dinner in the evening would be unthinkable. To know that those little ladies chose me and my husband to be their parents is so beyond me and makes me so happy that it moves me to tears, making my heart well up and my chest get warm. And to think, before I met my husband, I didn’t want children of my own at all.  I am so thankful, blessed, and honored that these three little ladies are the ones I am meant to raise, with my husband, who I was obviously meant to meet. I believe that’s all God right there.

I believe we do on this earth what we are meant to do, and if it is hard, it is worth it. Though I am struggling with working outside of my home and being a mom, with loving my job so much while missing my kids so much more that it hurts in my heart to even walk out the door in the morning. But my achy heart sings with the power of a thousand voices when I open the door to come in my home, and I hear, “Mommy!!” as I cross the threshold, running into the arms of my three year old who has waited for me to be home with her all day long. And I feel peace when I pick up my baby, who was likely sleeping when I left, and spin her around laughing while basking in the pure joy in her twinkly brown eyes and big, goofy grin, a joy just for me. And in those moments, the happiness is overwhelming to the point of near pain, pain that I was gone and missed any moments in their little big lives, but happiness that I am an example to them and I can be “just mommy” when I am home. And I am trying to remember that I am only Mommy for a short time and that I need to remember patience and kindness in all things, even when I am stretched too thin and kindness is the last thing on my lips. I know that I am here, doing what I am doing, for a reason. God has put all of these things in my life for my own betterment and good. And I have to remember that everything I do, every hat I wear during the day, and every minute of my life that I dedicate to others (as a mom, that is every single minute of every single day) is to help them become fully who they are, no matter who they are. I have to believe all of these things. If I don’t believe them, I would have nothing else in which to believe. As a mother, I believe many things. But none of these things is more important to me than my belief that God has my back with all of this crazy parenting stuff, that I am here for a reason, and that my jobs I have throughout my life, especially motherhood, are the ones I am meant to have and enjoy. It may not be easy all the time, it may not be fun and games, but it’s worth it. It’s all worth it. I believe that, one hundred and ten percent. I believe in, trust in, have faith in, and love my God.

And as for these three knuckleheads?

1654193_10101062590192922_1506614518_n I believe that my loves are worth every bit of “not easy” I have to go through…
I do it for them. Everyday. It may not be easy.
But look at their faces!!
It’s worth it.