Sunday Night Sensationalism!

1. School started this week. The first week of classes were excellent. I have a seemingly solid group of students this semester. I know enough to know that things are not always what they seem, but I am pretty sure that this semester will be grand. I look forward to the sustainability lessons in class, the writing, the fun, and the adventure. As it is always an adventure to start out, right?

2. I also have another meeting on what I will call “Project Foot In the Door” on Friday and hope to solidify more things in that realm. Sorry to be so cryptic and weird; just know that I am working with one of the most amazing people to get my foot in the door in my forever career home at the school I work for. I will always be found in the classroom, but I also want to be found in other areas where I can put this Master’s degree, and my passion, to the best use. Keep your fingers crossed. Pray. Whatever. I am not above asking for good juju; I give it and welcome it.

3. Cae starts her new preschool Tuesday. I’m pretty excited about that. We have decided on the Montessori school for her. I feel it is the best fit for who she is, where she is in her growth, and what she can do. I’m anxious to see how things pan out.

4. Vacation was the week before last and was incredible. Oh my Lord, did I need that break. I wasn’t totally “off,” but I don’t know how to be. I definitely sat down though and reprioritized my life, and I was given a big old wake up call on what is important. Essentially, I know that my girls and my family need to come first, but in the big bad Career Chase, you can get swept up in other things. And I am not saying that I did not always have them at the top of my list, but sometimes it felt like other things came slightly before, and that is not good. So, it is family first, and I am making adjustments to my outlook accordingly. I will only get a short time to be their “Mommy,” and I will have forever to work my ass off. This is not to say I am resting on my laurels, at all, but I am doing everything I can to consciously make them the focus of all I do. Meetings on my days off? Can’t come unless I have a sitter or Shawn is home. No begging for sitters, feeling like I have to be at every meeting, answering every email at the sound of the ding… no more. They need me, and I need them. And that starts with me. I cannot lie: I am enjoying life a lot more now that I have shifted my focus. It took a week away from all of the…stuff…for me to come to this. I can hardly regret that decision, and I am fortunate that I am in a position right now to not have to be the main income. That is not a position I take lightly, or for granted.

5. We have been considering a third child. I know, I know. I’m THAT girl who was all, “I AM DONE FOREVER WITH THE BAYBEES AND THE BAYBEE THINGS AND BETTER YOU THAN ME, SUCKERS!” But, something about that week away made me feel… I don’t know… different about the whole thing. With family as the focus, and with both of us coming from families with more than two kids, it isn’t a foreign idea to us. I saw my kids in a way that is hard to describe. I saw my two girls playing together, laughing with their grandparents, and snuggling us tight. And without everything else I do to distract me 24/7, the overwhelming feeling of “I want another baby” kind of hit me. Again. And I shook it off, but that feeling is hard to deny. I don’t know per say that I am dying for another child, but I can see the benefits (and drawbacks, as I am not naive) of another. I have wrestled with this for a while, off and on, and over the spring we had a pregnancy moment where we thought I was, but luckily I wasn’t. And that was on top of the whole Easter Sunday, “YOU WILL HAVE A SON” thing where I heard a voice (God?) tell me that I would have a son. I laughed then, but it kind of keeps nagging at me. And since I did protest so much about a third, it is only right that I would want one now. Right? A few of my friends are pregnant with their third, or have had their third, and they are all decent people and aren’t batshit crazy… So. There’s that. I talked with the husband, and we agreed to not exactly try but not “not” try. If that makes sense. One month at a time is the plan. And we shall see. I may change my mind again, who knows. But all I know is that the feeling of “I am done” is now “I could be done, but maybe I don’t have to be.” And since nothing drastic has been done to make it a permanent decision as of yet, we have a little wiggle room. Who knows. I’m weird. The effects of another baby are always something to consider, but I don’t fret it. I have proven that I can handle anything I put my mind to, and I don’t worry about what I cannot control. Someone once told me, “worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. You can do it over, and over, and over, but you still don’t get anywhere…” And that’s true. A few unknowns in the near future make me nervous (Hello, Election Season), but oddly enough, I am not afraid of the whole third kid thing. I’m not nervous. I know that all things happen as they should, and that we will be fine, with or without another child.

because there is no need to fear the future, or what it may bring…

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