Welcome Home.

Today was incredible. And so mundane, but incredible. Shawn (husband) had seen a sign advertising an open house at a local Catholic school, where we just happen to attend Mass whenever we get around to it. I don’t go regularly. I can’t make it happen with the girls by myself if Shawn is working, so there’s that. God knows, and He says it’s ok. We still talk everyday. ANYWAY, turns out the open house was last week, so we went to Mass because, well duh, we were there. And in the parking lot,  I was admittedly annoyed. Because if I am being honest, I don’t enjoy Mass as much as I used to. It’s long(er than it should be). It’s annoying with kids (it just is. There is no way around it except to go more, but again, catch-22). I used to LOVE Mass when I first converted. I felt so at home and wonderful there, and then, stuff happened. Life happened. And not good things. Miscarriage, friends had babies die, good people died and I just didn’t see where God was in all of that. I was in a very dark, dark place and I felt like God had left me behind. I didn’t see Him anywhere, didn’t feel Him near me anymore..it was just bad. And Shawn (being a Catholic from essentially the womb and not knowing anything else) didn’t know how to help me through that. So he did what any good husband would do, and he let me go. He let me deal with it, as loudly and in any way I possibly needed to. And thank God he did. I didn’t need one more person to tell me to, “Just keep praying, dear” or “I will pray for you.” Forget that, I always thought, save your prayers on someone who will care…

Boy! Am I glad they didn’t listen to me!!

Anyway, upon building my relationship back up with God (He thankfully just would not leave me alone, no matter how hard I pushed Him away…and I was adamant, this God stuff was NOT for me), I started to realize that I had chosen Catholicism (I thought) but in many ways, it had chosen me. DO NOT GET ME WRONG: there are aspects of it I cannot stand. Absolutely wish I could change a lot of it. But you know what? I didn’t. I can’t. I can only pray that the things I deem as negatives can eventually become positives, and if not positives than neutrals. I don’t like that women can’t be anything of authority in the Church. I don’t like their stance on a lot of social issues. I don’t get the whole Pope thing. I just … don’t. But you know what I do get? I get the importance of Mary. And of the saints. And Jesus! He’s fantastic! And of the rosary….I get all that and I LIKE IT! I really, really like it. 🙂 So, back to Catholic church I go, on a semi regular, at least once a month basis. Because between me and you, that’s sometimes all I can handle.

Back to today… God meant for that to happen. Isn’t that COOL?! He MEANT for Shawn to be mistaken. And for us to go to Mass. Because even though today was more a PSA against the government’s new health care mandates and not a sermon about Christ or God or anything at all really, I was there. We were in a pew. And I remembered to use the new words for the newer parts of Mass that the Church has changed. And I got to take communion and experience the body of Christ within me again…and I found out they have a calling for some new positions in the church that I really want to be a part of… and you know what? None of it was by mistake. It was by design. And I know that, because He told me. I got a great feeling of, “Welcome home” when I walked in the doors with my family. And you know what? That’s a feeling I haven’t had at ANY church in a very, very long time…

God is so good. I am proof, no matter what happens to you, or how much you fight it, faith will find a way. God will find a way. You can’t fight God forever.

I’m everything I am, because He loves me. ❤

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