The Twelve Days of Christmas. Day one: the Christmas Card…

I think I am going to post a little ditty about Christmas tonight, and every night, leading up to Christmas. Not only will that make me more accountable for actually posting regularly, but it will hopefully remind me to be a little more joyous this time of year. Let’s do this, bloggosphere!!

The song, “Twelve Days of Christmas” is quite silly. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree. Who the hell wants a bird? In a tree? Not I, said the duck. Unless that bird is a chicken with a pear glaze, or even better chocolate-covered pear dessert, I am out of that business. No thank you, I will stick to thinking birds are weird pets and keep my trees outside.

Tonight, we’ll discuss Christmas cards.

I despise Christmas cards. No, no I am not going all Scroogey McGrinchy pants on you. I just really, really do not like the idea of sending Christmas cards. I don’t necessarily like getting them either. I have never been a big card person in general. I don’t really buy birthday cards. Shawn rarely gets an anniversary card. To me, they are wastes of paper, and I can usually say what I want to say better than Captain Hallmark can. I don’t like addressing envelopes. I don’t like picking out the cards. Blame the commercialization of everything sacred, but I just cannot get behind Christmas cards.

Now, I send them. Oh, yes I do. My momma didn’t raise a fool.  However, I didn’t sent them for a long time. I didn’t see the point. They’re paper. Big deal.

But it became a big deal. Because people get offended if you DON’T send one to them if they sent one to you. It’s all Hostile Holidays, folks! Here is an actual conversation I had with a friend a few years back. Her name has been changed.

Gertrude: Hi, Devon! Did you get my Christmas card this year?
Me: Yeah, absolutely *awkwardly looks away at the sky*…hey was that a jumbo jet?
Gertrude: Well, I just didn’t know if you got it, because, like, I never got one from you. And my cats really worked hard in posing for that one. Grandma made them those sweaters.
Me: Hey, they were some good lookin’ sweaters! She should be proud…*trying to deflect, failing*
Gertrude: Yeah, well, I am sure I will get your card in the mail. Nothing says RU-UDE like people who don’t send cards when they get them, right?
Me: Oh yeah, I hate that. Rude bitches. *looks in purse for keys, even though holding keys in left hand*
Gertrude: Great! Merry Christmas!

Now, you know I did not have any intentions to send her, or anyone else, a card (although the cat thing, all true. I cannot make that shit up, folks). I went to the store and bought a box of some random reindeer something or other cards and sent her one. I just found that box in my basement not long ago. One card taken out, and that box has traveled with me from Canton to El Paso to Akron and now resides at Anderson Castle in good old North Canton. THAT is a well-traveled box of Christmas cards!

WHY do we do this to each other? Isn’t it better to GIVE? That’s the message here, people. It’s what we tell our kids when they can’t get that $400 toy that they NEED until a new one comes out. It’s what we tell our spouses when they don’t get us anything and we got them, like, 4 things (I do NOT speak from experience here, I am just creating examples, folks ). Jesus is the reason for the season and all that. When it comes to Christmas cards, man, it is ALL about the receiving.

I just finished addressing 24 envelopes. I only send out 24 cards. Because I am not buying a 50 pack from Shutterfly. What will I do with the rest of them, wallpaper my walls? Next year, I am making labels and sticking them to the envelopes. Because I hate hand writing anything. I don’t even hand write my grocery list, I use the COZI app on my iPhone (if you do not have this app, YOU NEED IT! Get it! Now!). Next year, I am doing everything digitally. Technology didn’t take the personal touch out of things, I did. I do not need my awful handwriting on anything, I will type it and be just as happy. And I am going to send them before the 12 Days of Christmas start. Because some people start sending them on Black Friday. I aspire to be that person.

Because then, I will send out my 24 cards. And if I get any cards from people to whom I did not send a card, I will be able to honestly say, “Well, my cards are all sent out.”

How about you? Cards? Yay or nay? Waste of money and time? Best part of the season? What? I want to hear it!

1 thought on “The Twelve Days of Christmas. Day one: the Christmas Card…

  1. Christmas cards are for the birds. I only give them when I need something to hold whatever gift I’m giving like cash, gift card or some other such paper type gift item.

    I have never sent Christmas cards and every year I’m too busy to even try. Oh well.

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